i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
