I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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