Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
