She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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