Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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