And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
