I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
