Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
