I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
