she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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