why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
