Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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