I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
