my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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