Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
