I think i peed on brittanys purse
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
