This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize