Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
