At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
