Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
