yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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