Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
