Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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