Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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