can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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