Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
