rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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