Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
