Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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