Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
