i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
