I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
