I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize