I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
