My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
