I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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