just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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