While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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