Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
