Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We are all done wearing pants today
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
