Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos