is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag