You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room