I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.