i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.