so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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