I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
