i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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