what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.