I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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