Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.