So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.