So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do