So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
