Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
