just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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