Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize