By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
