twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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