onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
