He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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