I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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