If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
