I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
