she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
