he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
