D3 body, D1 cock
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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